I suppose I've decided to start day 1 on December 30th to avoid the cliche of this being an "impulse" New Year's resolution. It. Is. Not. I assure you this has been a long time coming.
3 years of severe depression, and at least 60lbs later I need a plan- this is it. I will blog my way to physical health and mental fitness, that is to say; I will blog as I change my life. Daily.
Last night I watched "Julie & Julia", a heartwarming quirky movie and although it wasn't my first time seeing the movie, something struck me- I need short term goals, very short term- like hourly. Depression for me is being in a state of "sticky stuckness", I know my choice of wording isn't coming up on the spell-checker, but it IS how I feel so I'm just going to let it be.
I have help- I have a vast knowledge of nutrition and exercise as my husband was once a "natural bodybuilder", as well, I have spent the last 4-5-6? months getting myself into a program for depression and anxiety, a once a week group therapy session hosted by the local hospital on an outpatient basis (start date January 17th, 2011). I'm no looney tune, quite smart if I say so myself, have had my own business and ran my husbands, but a lot of bad things have happened and I have suffered 2 massive breaks in my mental wellness- I believe we refer to these events as nervous breakdowns.
Therapists have almost convinced me that once you suffer a nervous breakdown you can never be "as good" as you once were, a subsequent nervous breakdown and the diagnosis is the same- only, you're not as good as you were after you had the first one- not a good or acceptable prognosis in my mind. I'm going to leave room for belief in "being better" than I once was, maybe not as vulnerable as I once was, I'm more mature, wiser, seasoned and very tired of feeling broken.
Today's goals:
1) Throw out all the Christmas "crap food" leftover from the holidays (husband is gone back to work out of town, it's only me here)
2) Clean up the dishes
3) Clean up the mess my dog made destroying a Christmas wreath
4) Work on my complete profile tonight
5) Explore my goals
Success is my first goal, one small step at a time.
