Can I start again?

So much for day one... Urgh! (depression and moving by yourself doesn't make for good friends). I've started again today, just because today was the day I woke up and decided to start. How did I come to that conclusion? I opened my fridge at 8am and made breakfast while on the phone. Started.

My biggest problem is putting food into my mouth so early in the morning. "Pre" dinner eating seems to be the biggest hurdle I have, once I've overcome that particular hurdle I'm usually not too bad at staying with the program (so to speak- staring at my knees while sitting in my chair or curling up into a ball in bed when I'm overwhelmed gets in the way a tad too). I have a pretty amazing pantry being a foodie, so there's always  something to "mock up" a SB (South Beach- diet plan of choice) meal in a pinch until I make it to the store to fill in the gaps. I never buy fast food so my fridge is always a plenty with veggies and lean meats, fish, nuts, eggs and egg whites, good oils and there's usually an avocado hanging in there screaming at me to make something with it before it becomes way too overripe to eat (only discovered once I've succumbed to the screaming and decide to do something with it, cut it open and it's dark brown inside). So breakfast this morning was an egg-white omelette with a couple of good size stalks of asparagus, need the V8 and some back bacon (on my list), I'm about to have a snack- low fat cheese spread into a stick or two of celery, and I think I'll make a parsley salad with cukes, tomatoes, red onion and throw in a tin of solid "packed in water" white tuna for my protein, drizzle some whisked olive oil, red wine vinegar, lemon juice, dijon dressing on it- voila! Lunch is history. I'll throw some nuts into myself for an afternoon snack and then the next hurdle will be dinner.

Dinner will look something like this- (remember, I'm not prepared) I bought a whole pork loin on sale the other day, very lean, and I was craving schnitzel ( I make an amazing schnitzel with panko bread crumbs!!!) But I need to SB it. I'll pound the pork, dunk it in a little whisked skim milk and egg, lightly bread it with ground nuts and do a quick pan fry with an olive oil spray. For the gravy- I'll pan fry a few thinly sliced mushrooms (again with olive oil spray), once nicely toasted, I'll turn the heat down and add some (2 tablespoons?) low fat sour cream and some veggie broth and simmer until reduced a bit, I figure that should do it. Some steamed veggies on the side and I'm set!! Now that the food is taken care of I can move on to my mental health exercises for the day.... Harder than the eating right.

I'll pack-
Goals for today-
Finish the livingroom (3/4 done already)
Attack bedroom closet (pack all small and medium clothes)

Other things-
Comb my "molting" dog
Pay some bills
Make my list for groceries tomorrow

Doesn't sound like a whole lot, but for me it's a mountain. The depression is not getting any better, I've decided it's mostly situational. I've moved twice in less than a year, overcome some massive heart aches and seen way too many bad things happen. The newest and biggest worry I have now is how to survive and not lose our land on the pay we're now getting. Brent has had to sign a contract with the company he's with in order to save his job. Unfortunately, this contract doesn't allow him any overtime which was really saving our ass- Even with the move to a less expensive place, it only allows for our mortgage (on our land), rent (on the place we'll be in until we can afford to build), one vehicle payment and insurance (we've already gotten rid of the other vehicle)... not much else. It's going to be impossible and I find myself waking up at night worrying and wringing my hands most of the day.

Keeping my fingers crossed there will be a day "two"......